I watched an interview with Tim Keller on YouTube, and in his struggle with terminal cancer, he helped me see God’s goal for this time of weakness and profound fatigue I’m going through. He too is seeking God for his purpose in his time of limited energy and limited time. He said God game him two words: focus and sanctification.

Focus is key because time and energy are limited. When they seem almost limitless, we can fritter away a lot of both. He said, at 70, he should have realized the importance of focus even without cancer. Even if God grants us a long life, much of it is over, and the rest of it will go as quickly as the first of it. We have learned a lot; we have a lot to share. He said he knew what his focus was but had been distracted from it by others asking for his help. I was thinking I wasn’t sure of mine because it seemed to be changing. Opportunities were popping up since mom and Joe died that I’d never even considered. Then I heard myself saying to someone that the most important thing to me these days was sharing the things God had taught me. That’s always been important to me. One of the reasons I started journaling years ago was I wanted my girls to know what God had been teaching me in case anything happened to me before they were grown. The other reason was I didn’t want to forget the treasures God was giving me. That purpose is not changing now. But some of the ways it manifests are – like writing a blog.

The other thing he said God told him was that he still had things for him to do but he wasn’t ready yet. His illness was part of his sanctification. It would enable him to finish his work. He said God told him that most of his faith was subjective. So many of the things we believe become real in our experience through hard times, until then it’s a great untried promise.

Another thing he said that was a great encouragement to me, not sure if it was same interview, was this side of heaven we will never fully believe the promises or live by what we believe. If we did, we would be perfect and that won’t happen here.

But we are being changed from glory to glory and we are being transformed into the image of Christ.

He talked about having a God who suffered, a God who faced a certain and painful death was an encouragement to him. No other religion knows a God like that.

That has encouraged me too. We can’t always answer the questions involved in suffering, but we can know that God was willing to become man and enter into it with us and for us. We can leave the answers with Him. Someday, in the blink of an eye, we’ll understand.

Something that God revealed to me a year or two after my flood experience was that the fruit my life had been spared for would come through prayer. But somehow, I saw prayer as supporting the sharing and teaching. Now, I’m seeing that sharing and teaching are the results of prayer – not just study. I am an empathetic person which keeps me prayerful, but I felt God was saying my prayer life was pretty pathetic in light of the Spirit within me, and the role He has given to it.

Responding to God’s promptings to pray makes us able to fulfill His purposes for us. It keeps us dependent – which is the opposite of proud.  It keeps us in His presence where there is fulness of joy. It is how we walk and talk with Him – which is what friends do. The set apart time helps us do the without ceasing part.

Even when God speaks to me clearly and even when I’m thrilled to hear it, making life adjustments is hard. During these days my strength is very limited and of short duration. I can do limited things for an hour or two, then I need to rest for at least that long. So, God is definitely wanting me to zero in on His goals for each day, each hour. This is different than giving Him time in the morning and then going about my day. It requires focus and submission. I do want to be in that place of blessing, even if wrestling is involved!