January – cold, dark, gloomy, frozen pipes, dead car, lots of sickness in the family – BUT GOD has given me several Aha Moments on things I’ve been thinking about for a while.

One was casting your care ^{(I Peter 5:7)}. I was thinking that if I could do it, it would mean that the care would be off me and onto Him. But not caring or even caring less didn’t seem right. Then I saw so many places in Scripture where people cared deeply about all kinds of things. The prophets cared deeply about their people. Paul did too. They cried and groaned– for long periods of time. Jesus cried. Then it occurred to me that it wasn’t the feeling that was the problem. The problem was trying to do His part – be in charge and fix it!! Caring leads me to do my part – depend on Him, trust Him, obey Him. I went back to the text to check out those thoughts. And there it was all the time! “ . . . be clothed with humility for God resists the proud, But gives grace to the humble. Therefore, humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time. Casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.” ^{(verses 5-7)} Part of being humble is recognizing your limits. I’ve run into this tendency in me through the years! But I am more and more convinced that though God faithfully enables me to do His will, that never includes what only He can do – things like convicting, convincing, working all things for good, and so much more  . . .  I checked the meaning of care which here is distraction, division – not loving empathy. MacArthur Study Bible says it’s casting all of our discontent, discouragement, despair and suffering and trusting that He knows what He’s doing with our lives.

Then, there’s that admonition to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called ^{(Eph. 4:1; Col. 1:9-13; I Thes. 2:12-13)}. That is such a big aspiration. The Aha for me was that walking worthy is not just a list of dos (which appeals to our pride and our works default) but a recognition of the worth of Father, Son, and Spirit and the tremendous plan for our redemption, sanctification, and glorification. The change in thinking changes walking worthy from a duty or works based action to a matter of the heart. As I grow in appreciation, I grow in love, trust, and obedience, and I am walking worthy. The more I see the more I am thrilled, boggled, awed, blessed. It never gets old because there’s always more to see and experience. It’s amazing grace!!!

And I’ve thought about sorrowful yet rejoicing for some time because God told me that was how I would get through grief, and He told me months before it happened. But just a few weeks ago I understood better what it meant. I was expecting the rejoicing to alleviate or lesson the sorrow – but the sorrow was deep and unfolding. As I accepted one part of the loss another part revealed itself, and then another, and another. I thought I wasn’t doing it right. Then God spoke to my heart and said, you sorrow because you have reason for sorrow. You rejoice because you have reason to rejoice – at the same time! I had been doing that, but since I had an expectation that God didn’t have, I felt guilty and discouraged. Grieving loss – feeling it – going through the process of letting it unfold and accepting each part while we keep praising, trusting, loving, and obeying is the way through. And not just barely through, but victoriously through. And not just through grieving but through all of life.

And there was more. During the last several years of caregiving, grieving, having Covid three times, and having almost no energy until recently, I felt isolated. I had not expected that. (I’m beginning to see a theme with expectations. I need to be more aware of them and more willing to let them go to receive God’s will and way!) I did believe that though I expected to be able to spend more time with family and friends, God must have thought I needed more rest and alone time – but it was hard. In his book, Shelter in God, David Jerremiah talked about people God sheltered like Noah, Jacob, Joseph, Moses, David, Elijah, Jonah, Daniel, Jesus and more. All sheltered in places they didn’t expect or want to be in. All came out of that time to fulfill God’s purpose. I realized that if I saw the last few years as God sheltering me instead of isolating me, it was a change of thinking that turned difficulty into blessing and bewilderment to praise.

Also, had an awesome moment with God and the moon. I often go out to see the moon – and this time there was a half-moon, but it was surrounded by a glowing sphere. I felt like God was saying to me, this is a picture of what you see and what I see. You see half of you missing, but I see you reflecting Me. It was an encouraging moment. And a couple days later, from Rejoice and Tremble, Michael Reeves quotes Song 6:4, 10. The bride is like an army. And she is bright like the sun, with the reflected beauty of the moon. The church comes to reflect the groom’s awesome magnificence. We are being transformed into the image of Christ. This transformation is a growth in reflected awesomeness. Shine Jesus Shine!